so i've trekked all the way up to my rents to use theres and give you this update and tomorrow i plan on using valuable college time to blog then!!
sooo how have the past four days been! i have to say they've flown by. the venings seem to drag on as i keep telling myself 'nearly there, nearly there' and ' dont your DARE give up now' but once i get over that little hump for the night the next day swiftly comes and goe's and comes and goes until here i am on the penultimate day of the clenase! ready to say goodbye to lemons for good. well not for good actually but at least until i can get the constant taste, smell, sight and soggy feel out of my senses! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF LEMONADE!!! my pallete is begging me for some new flavours!
today i did my final grocery shop for the cleanse! i'm stocked up with enough lemons to last the rest of today and tomorrow and too HUUUGEE bags of juicy, tempting, tantalising fresh oranges. mmmmmmmmmmmm! i've also stocked up on summer fruits so i can make a zingy, refreshing smoothie on sunday!!! aw man i cant wait! i have honestly NEVER been this excited about fruit! i dont even care about burgers or fries or pizza or curry or chinese or whatever you might expect a bulimic lass like me to be craving after such a long time without a binge but NO!! i dont want to unsult my body with that rubbish! its fresh fruit, vegetables, salty nuts and warm warm broths i desire!! i just want to feel awake and energectic and cheerful not bloated and full and guilty!
wow this really doesnt sound like me! i dont even crave my usual big binge food of cheese toasties!
this all reminds me that i should review how my mentality has changed over theese past 12 days (including the ease in). i do feel better in my head! i've had a lot more brain energy and feel lesswilling to mope in depression! i've found myself able to laugh and get a buzz from conversations and jokes with my friends at college without pumping myself full of sugar and caffine! the worry of food was lifted from my soldiers. while everyone was busy doing work, or cleaning there houses or being productive i was joining them instead of letting my mind wander in concern over how i was going to get away with not eating lunch today. i wasn't wasting hours adding up calories in my head, planning recipies and ways to try and get around eating in the evening with my boyfriend. my mind hasnt been fixated with the guilt of contemplating a binge or of having binged or of having purged or not purged! i've been enjoying taking long walks and exsercising instead of seeing it as a neccessity to burn of all those malicious calories that i've consumed!!and stepping on the scale everday has encouraged my pride in my own willpower more than concern or relief over pounds gained or pound lost!
but with all this good news comes a growing fear. of how i'm going to cope when i come off this. how i'm going to react to food again. is my opinion of it really going to changed. are my eating habbits going to be different. are they going to be better or get worse! how long can i keep up this optimism without been drawn into the security and ritual and familiarity of binging and purging and restricting when i start to feel down, when i start to doubt myself aghain, when the voices in the back of mind start nagging me again!
its all in the future though so maybe instead of lingering on these fears and paranoia i should enjoy the fresh new feeling of complete joy and accomplishment at having, just about, seen this thing through!!
as for the physical side of things! well i still have a furry tounge which i'm hoping will clear into the promised bright pink after the ease out. my skin (having gotten fairly spotty around day thrree of the cleanse) has seemed to clear up notcabley. my dry skin doesnt seem to be bothering me as much and despite a few anomolies my stomach has been so well behaved with very little pain at all! my energy levels are still surprisingly high with only a slight feeling of weakness and dizzyness starting to show in the evenings! i still dont feel hungry or any great need to eat but i am looking foreward to chewing something!the weight loss has been a blessing too taking that much needed weight of my back and knees and relieving a lot of pressure and pain from around those joints!
at current i weigh 151lbs roughly and will tally up my total weight loss tomorrow!
all in all i'm feeling pretty damn funky!!
i cant wait until i can stand up and be one of those who can say 'i did the master cleanse for 10days! i saw it all the way through. i didnt cheat. and i feel great!'.
maybe i'm gonna give the holistic and natural health remdies and recipies more of chance from now on! maybe i'll end up adopting the godess of nut power or the great god of super soya as my new faith (although i do doubt it)
finally heres 4 things that i owe to my after cleanse lifestyle:
1) opt for herbal teas instead of sodas and caffine. over the oast few days i have developed a new fondness for herbal teas and what they can do for the body! i love the taste and the variety and will be sure i think twice before opting for the diet coke or the mega mega latte!
2)try and buy more organic! i never really thought much about organic foods before this. of how non-rganic, cheaper supermarket varieties often are tainted with preservatives, colouring agents and pesticides. although eating organic can mean spending more money which i dont have and having to shop more often to get them when there fresh it doesnt mean i cant try and substitute some of my normal groceries with organic!
3) get off the pills!! i, like many others, or hooked on suppliments and vitamins and anything which is advertised as a quick way to give my body everything it needs. this cleanse has tought me that if i eat the right food i shouldnt need to suppliment my body with any man made remedy. i dont have any deficiency as i know of so i should spend more time giving my body the power foods it needs and keeping the junk out and the natural in!
4) TAKE TIME FOR ME!!! yes this is numero uno selfish bitch coming through! but its true. i've learned that occasionally treating my body IS a good thing. i realise that sometimes i get caught in this warped complex. that i hate my body. that i dont deserve to be rewarded but punished. and its hard to break that. but once in a blue moon. when perhaps i've got up on the good side of my head and i dont feel like arguing with myself i think i should take myself somewhere nice wehile the feeling lasts. things that dont involve food so theres no guilt. perhaps gettin an indian head massage. or doing a yoga class and then a trip to the sauna at the gym instead of 2 hours intense cardio. heck even a nice soothing bath with potions and lotionswould be nice for a change.
maybe it is time i started treating myself a bit better! wo knows i may even end up mending that screwy relationship i have with my head!
but for now everyone i will have to wish you good day and get lost as i have plenty of lemons that needs squeezing and juice that needs drinking!
todays pictures are of
AWESOME ALT. GIRLS
xxxx
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